Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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