um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
