I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
