and you said cock pushups were impossible
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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