Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
