Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
