I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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