I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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