It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
