tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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