I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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