Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
