While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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