So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
