Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
