If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
