While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
