Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
