you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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