He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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