i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
