She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
