He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
