remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it because I queefed?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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