well you can't waste a boner
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
