he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
