i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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