Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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