just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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