I feel great
I just peed on a car
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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