I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
