the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
