Do you still have your period?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
