I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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