I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
