3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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