Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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