i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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