I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
