Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did i just pee glitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
