I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
