I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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