i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize