now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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