dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
