Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
