Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
