I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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