Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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