i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
