Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
