how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
