Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
where are you?
Hypothermia
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
