I haven't been this sober since birth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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