just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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