apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize