Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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