I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We left the knife in your bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
