Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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