you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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