i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
