My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
