i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they need to just BURY HIM!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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