I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently you make a good broom.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
