I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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