eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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