he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
