you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
