This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
