just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
