If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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