I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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