You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
