She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
