My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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