Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
