The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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