I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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