her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
