The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
