i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The feeling are messing with the penis
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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