he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
pray to the hookup gods
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
