thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
