nut hugger
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
