Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
