it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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