dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
