i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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