yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate all girls vehemently.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
