Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
