I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
