I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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