I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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