A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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