you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
