If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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