i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As shirtless as possible
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
