He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
