May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
