Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
