Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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