So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
