dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
