This is not my ceiling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
