I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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