Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
