I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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