This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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