also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
