I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
