I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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