There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
MIDGETS
????
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
