It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
