it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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