The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
