I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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