New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
