is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
