i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
