I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
